Verification....

Every Wednesday night now it's time for me to do what I love and that's co-leading a New Hope support group. I'm doing sex abuse again this year (I may have already said this but I can't remember and clearly I'm too lazy to go back and read previous posts). Last night in our discussions we realized just how far each one of us has come.

I know I've certainly been hard on myself this past bit. I thank all of you for not only your comments, but also your emails, calls, chats, etc. I really needed it and you've all recognized that and I thank you for taking the time to contact me in the way that you did.

In group last night there was an exercise where we had to put a star beside things that we feel like we're already past and a check mark by the things that we're still working on or struggling with. Well I had A LOT of stars and it was interesting for me to sit back and look at this. However with that I certainly had some check marks.

I also had a moment last night where I finally got it. The road to recover for a sex abuse victim such as myself can be very loooonnnnngggggg. I've begun to realize that because I've had multiple abusers I'm going to need to take all of the necessary steps with each abuser. So for example just because I've let go of the shame of one incident does not mean that I still will not be full of shame due to sex abuse at another point in my life when I remember something else. Now some of you are probably sitting here thinking....ah ya duh? If so, that's awesome that you're already there. I'm guessing though for some of you you're getting it and if not that's fine too because we're all at different places and I'm reminded of that every day!

So if I expand this thought to other areas of my life outside of sex abuse then it's no wonder I'm feeling bogged down yet again. Just because I've worked on one incident from my parents divorce for example and I've forgiven my parents, does not mean that I will not need to head down that road of forgiveness again with them when I remember something else. Or just because I'm comfortable talking with my pastor and telling him that I can't take on another thing in the church does not mean that I'm comfortable with the other leaders when one asks me to do something.

Anyways, just thought I'd share my light bulb moment. It was an important part of my journey at this point in time to see the verification, God's verification, on the page in front of me!