To ponder....
Everyday on my way to big bad Petty (for those of you who aren't as cool as I am Petty is short for Petitcodiac) I drive by Campbell's Auto Repair in Riverview. Campbell's always has something out of the ordinary posted on their sign. Sometimes I agree with what it says, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I laugh and sometimes I don't. However this week the quote has really made me think. Especially in relation to where my life seems to be at this week. Here is the quote "Today is the tomorrow that you were worried about yesterday".
I feel like all week I've been worrying about things but once they're done they really aren't that bad so why do I do this to myself? Is it perhaps human nature? Is it a trust issue for me? I had a counselling session on Tuesday and I knew that it wasn't going to be pleasant so I was worrying about it not knowing what I was going to come out there discovering. However I learned a lot about some things that I've been feeling and that my body has been telling me. So now I'm so thankful that God pushed me to be honest with my counsellor so that we could explore yet another dark area that I did not want to venture in. I'm thankful now that the today that I was worried about happened because I feel a lot better now.
Then yesterday all day I was feeling yucky because I knew that I had to share about my sexual abuse. People around me know that I've been sexually abused but never had I sat around and read all the gruesome details of those events. Until last night there were only 3 other people on this earth (my husband, my counsellor, and my best friend) that knew about the horrors of my childhood. However I now let 4 more people into that circle. Was it hard? ABSOLUTELY!!! There was nothing in me that wanted to admit or talk about what had happened. However with that, was it rewarding? ABSOLUTELY!!! The rewards definitely outweighed the fear, shame, and tears. I'm so thankful that I was able to share what I did with the women. Even though I just did it last night I could already see in them how much my story impacted them in a positive way. They all told me that they would have had no idea that all of that happened to me. Ah the secret lives we lead and the masks that we where to hide it all so well. However I'm convinced that that can only go on for so long. There comes that yucky time in everyone's life where those masks, walls, whatever begin to break down and it's scary but beautiful because that's when we become real. That's when we are able to turn to God and rely on Him for the strength, love and encouragement that we've been searching for our whole lives!
K, I got on a little bit of a bunny trail there. I really want to be able to remind myself each day about those things that I get so uptight about because I know it's coming that it won't be that bad. I want to be able to ask myself is this really necessary? Is it really worth worrying about so much? Has God ever let me down before in something that He's pushing me to do? Have I ever come out of a situation that I've been so scared about that I didn't see God's beauty and hand on me throughout it? I would have to say no to all of those questions!
Next time I'm literally making myself sick over a situation hopefully I will not only remember this week of my life and all the positive ways I've grown and learned but also that I will remember this quote in order to remind myself that things will be all better in 24 hours or less!
posted by Erin @ 10:50 AM
4 Comments:
Your story made me think twice now about my perceptions of what appears to be on the outside. My turn "is a comin". I realized from last night that perhaps I need to be honest in a few areas of my story that may be relevent now. Before, howver I did not think certain things were relevent.
Susan
That sign has made me really think too. But for me, I'm not sharing sexual abuse stories, I'm just generally worried. Almost always I feel that way. So that sign said to me: "hey Morgan, chill out...or go do what needs doing because that's the only way you won't worry about tomorrow!"
That's right, I am stalking you...I found you! Zwak. Anyway, I think you're really brave and I know that what you did yesterday helped a lot of people (or at least 4).
See ya!
Before I became a Christian , I got so anxious about things. I remember when I went to get my wisdom teeth out a few years ago...I prayed about it for weeks because I was soo scared.When I went into the surgery, I was at peace. I knew that GOD was with me and I have continued to pray about events and people in my life and HE continues to AMAZE me! I just wanna say that I hear you Erin and sometimes you don't realize but when you share something about yourself GOD speaks strength through it.
xo krista thorne
Hello ladies,
Wow I've got some new readers. This is exciting!
Susan, can't wait to hear your story. Glad that mine helped you and allowed you to feel comfortable to be more honest with the rest of the group. You're right your turn is coming but I'll be here to chat if you need me!
Morgan what the hell does "zwak" mean? I'm cool if you stalk me. I'm heading to your page to stalk you next! Ha ha ha...glad that sign made you think as well. Not sure why we get so stressed about things sometimes (you saw me Wed night pre-story, there's a fine example).
Krista thanks for the thought. Good to have another perspective on things. I'll have to remember that one. I mean I think I know that coming out of those situations. However going in it would sure make things easier if I reminded myself of that....or not. Who knows! Anyways, glad you've found God my friend and that He comforts you in those times.
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